Spiritual Illusion as Karma In the Outer

…spiritual illusion…how we perceive something in terms of how it is, and how it exists…which is based upon…the water that we’re drinking, the tone of an in-breath nature. We get caught up in holding those ideas locked. We call that a spiritual illusion. You can have a good aspect of that and a bad aspect of it.

the Dreamer

I had two meditation dreams and a very in-depth sleep dream. Now, the first meditation dream, if it had been left to just this meditation dream would have had me feeling like a disaster is coming. There were three scenarios in this dream. Each one ended badly. I can’t read the writing on the first one, but the second one had to do with calling in to try to get a stock quote. I couldn’t remember the name of the company. I mentioned a company like US cellular and they say, “stick with that one”. They say “We don’t like most of what you do, but stick with this one.”

Everything I did lead to a disaster. The first one was a disaster. In the third one I’m driving along and all of a sudden the car stops at an angle in the middle of the road. No engine running; nothing, then it starts to roll towards the ditch. Try as I might. I can’t find the brake. I’m shocked and helpless. I’m going to crack up there.

All three of these images are saying the same thing. I embody a catastrophe, a crack-up: a disaster in the making.

We generally talk about spiritual illusion with the definition being how we perceive something in terms of how it is, and how it exists, and how that is meant to be in our opinion which is based upon our moods and mannerisms or the water that we’re drinking, the tone of an in-breath nature. We get caught up in holding those ideas locked. We call that a spiritual illusion. You can have a good aspect of that and a bad aspect of it. A spiritual illusion follows the in-breath aspect and keeps you from going somewhere.

Yet there’s another half to it. You can have the spiritual illusion like that, or you carry some other kind of attachment or mannerism within your nature and it jinxes whatever you do. I remember a story about a woman that had some sort of specialness about her, where she could go, right where the teacher was staying; she just had free reign. I don’t know what it was about her, but I would talk to her. She was very poor all the time. And one day she told a dream to our teacher, and he says, “You just keep having the same pattern happening again, and again, wherever you go, you get flooded or something happens, you’re attached to your poverty. ” Usually you hear this said of one who is mistaken in their grandiose spiritual illusions. But it can also go the other direction.

So the disaster of things was how this started. Then I progressed into the next meditation. Good thing I had another meditation dream. I’d have been all worried about something going to fall apart in the outer because I still have a tendency to apply it like that. The next day I experienced the sensation where, things go back and forth inside myself between an ample situation and a need; ample or need. And in the final image, I have it repeated, I am loaded with ample quantities of whatever I need. It’s a relief. I can go anywhere with that.

With anything that could come up, I can always reach for that. Unfortunately, timing is everything, even on the inner. It turns out that in the story here, I have15 minutes perhaps, before I have to be somewhere, but on a whole other zone or level. And there’s not enough time to take all I need with me. I can go back to it when I’m able to integrate it and bring that back. But I can’t take it with me at this point. I have to leave it behind. And so as I’m laying back, I see what took place in an abbreviated way and the heading of it is ‘A New Knowledge’ and new isn’t spelled N-E- W . Its spelled K N E W, a knew knowledge. So the meditation dream is suggesting when my need is not met and I still have about me more than I need; I bring the two levels together and it changes everything. If I was to separate the two as if they stand alone, one is a disaster and the other is an ongoing euphoria, just easy peasy.

We are still staying in the meditation dream. You have a contrast within what is considered a spiritual illusion. Apparently it takes in both halves, it can take in the poverty mentality or mannerism we’ll call it, that causes everything to go to pieces, no matter what you do. Or it can have a other whole quality, in which there’s a magic Juju behind it all, where something actually evolves and you just go with that. So, as I said, spiritual illusion, if you give it a deeper meaning is not just something that occurs on the inbreath of oneself it can also be something in terms of karma or mannerism on the out-breath that leads to catastrophe.

The sleep dream is a very interesting dream. I’m wondering if I should tell it and then read it or just read it. I think I’ll just try to read it and tell it at the same time, to fill in the pieces. The dream starts out where I’m in a line in which those in line with me are all deadbeats, dropouts, just trying to get by. I’m near the back of the line and next to me is a person who doesn’t say anything. He’s kind of a reject to the rejects. I mean, us rejects in this line at least know we’re rejects. And we have that in common. We can talk back and forth in terms of our plight, but we reject him because, he somehow is an even greater reject than us.

We’re better off than him. He’s a sick looking guy with pocked face and stuff, but I talked to him. And then at some particular point, and I’ll just fit this in. I have been in another scenario, in line, also in a dire situation. And and when I came to the front, there was a security guard there that was a nobody, just thrown out there. He was a reject in his fashion. He didn’t fit with what he was gaurding. They could throw him in the trash at any time. He was one of the expendable of the expendables, pathetic, but we’ll see if he drew abuse upon himself. I talked to him and we were immediately friends. That was just the flashback.

Now back to the main story. Here in the line up, there’s the pockey face, sick guy who looks pitiful; and me. We are waiting for what’s inside the buildings that we’re lined up before, all us rejects as if we’re looking for something. The dream doesn’t explain what we’re looking for here, whether it’s food or a job or something else. You’re given an opportunity to offer something or present yourself in some fashion and the pockey face guy does something rather incredible. And so, he’s entitled to move up and because I’m his friend, I move up with him and we go up near the front. When I get up to the front, maybe he was just disguised all the time, because someone in the building had come out and he seems to know who they are.

While they’re joshing away, I am standing next to him, kind of out of place; a little to the side of the line. And I see two other people up front that I kind of recognize. Who would have guessed? They motion for me to cut in where they’re at. So I go over there. When we get in and I realize, boy, was he in a disguise? He’s connected to the head of the organization, right? The pockey face sick guy! And he talks to people. Then we go mingling, I think we go into a bar. In this bar is a very narrow faced no personality high pitched squeaky guy that knows this pockey face, they are the best of buddies. I look at him and think what’s going on here? You know, he’s very flat, no personality, but boy was I wrong! Eventually as we’re talking about the operations and things, this other guy turns out to be an attorney and he’s the main attorney. He handles all of the delicate issues and he says that he’s bailing things out left and right all the time, because they have to turn to him. He’s the guy. And he works hand in hand with this pockey face guy.

So then at some point the pockey face guy offers me a key role in the entire operation. I say, I’m no good at such a thing. I’ve always worked on my own. Sorry about that. Thank you. But no, thank you. I can’t cut the mustard. Well the pock face guy is brilliant. He pulls all the strings to the whole thing. I didn’t really realize that. He reads people better than anyone I’ve ever known, without hesitation. He can see how my independence can apply and work with the organization. So all of a sudden it’s like I’m in like Flynn with what makes this go. Associated straight away with the top of the top. Now back to the flashback and how I come across the security guard and he’s been given the shaft of course, and he’s crying and broken down. Same old pattern, mistreated from the get-go. He has found the base as part of the Juju of his nature. But I look at him and I know that he’s the real deal, a wonderful guy. In spite of the fact that he’s an immigrant and a minority and automatically discriminated against, that’s not how I am. So I take him before the pockey faced guy. In the end, it is the pockey face guy, the attorney, me and this down and out security guard running the entire shop. Who would have guessed?

So that was what happened last night. And you have to kind of sit with the meditation dreams to see how the long story fits in terms of pulling it together, showing how all of that functions in terms of the inner into the outer. How that comes across, and the central aspect, the driving engine behind all of it is that you have to let go of all of the spiritual illusions. Those are the illusions that you carry on the in breath lilt of yourself in terms of your image of yourself and the spiritual illusion that you can have based upon the story of being down and out, and attached to your poverty mentality with anything that can go wrong, going wrong. How do you rise above that? That is the story of the security gaurd. The impressions that one carries because of the spiritual illusion we hold in our image of ourself is the story of the pocky faced guy. He wasnt in the same space that the others in the line were in.

This is a continuation also of my dream of the whole thing that occurred yesterday, which was really evident in the conversation that I had with my friend and there for the first 20 minutes of that, I was so flat that I couldn’t function,I was dead, just dead, then because I normally would have some kind of spiritual comment or input I started surfacing from the ashes and what came out of that with him was incredible.

I was listening more intently, because I could’nt believe what I knew, what I was saying, and what I had learned somehow. It was all right there: meant to be. I just had to go through this little barrier, this spiritual illusion that fits both above and below; Below being my attachments to my poverty and the above being my concepts of how I carry myself.

We Can’t Go On In the Grace of the Last 2000 Years

“You can’t keep expecting the environmental vibration to change of its own accord, it needs a state of attention, brought to try to enliven, quicken, and refresh, to invigorate again. I see a different kind of approach taking into account what’s going on.”–the dream report.

–the Dreamer

The meditation dream was something that started from a position where something was stale, strung out, backward, obsolete, needing to change, and had gotten overly pent up over the course of time. It started from a position like that. The condition is something that is extended as if it covers everybody equally. It’s kind of like how grace is, the environment is going to have everybody covered and you can just truck along with that. Well, that’s no longer something that works, extending out like amnesia. It has to be brought to a state of attention. Responsibility brought back into focus.

And so the meditation dream starts off with you owing monies. You are trying to keep things stabilized as a collective consciousness norm. When you’re owing monies that means that there is an atmospheric weight that’s placed upon you so that you’re not clear and succinct in your own frame of reference, the way you’re supposed to be. And then what happens is, I’m quick. I’m awakened from that. I’m alerted to how I can’t keep passing the buck and staying in this downer mood, the way everything is going downhill and falling apart. So I suddenly snapped out of this, and when I’m snapped out, then I look at the collective consciousness around me and I use my focus and attention, and I smack it. It’s too much because they’ve gotten used to this malaise. It’s hard for them to take this.

Well, the problem is it has gotten to the point where it’s too late as it is. In another couple or three years it is going to go down for the count. Anyway, it’s better to be hit now, because a couple or three years from now, it’s going to be much, worse if you could keep punting and pushing this down the road. So I’m going at this in terms of fixing this in meditation. And it comes to the conclusion that instead of me owing money, I’m not going to owe much at all.

And then a little voice says, you know, it might be a good idea if this works out that you owe a little bit just for appeasement purposes. You still can’t tell, because the local news is being cloaked and hidden all of a sudden. I used to know exactly what all of that was and kept on top of it. Now, all of a sudden it’s being concealed. But if the local news is all out there, It’s probably going to work out right on all the things.

But then, because I have started to pay attention to the whole schematic, I now have access to go through areas where I never paid any attention to going before. And so I’m looking for the local paper. And I walk an area that is part of where I normally don’t go. And in this area are papers with the national news spread out and scattered. Now, because I’ve focused my attention to look at it all, it’s okay for me to go into this area. Otherwise, it would be bizarre, and I wouldn’t be able to do that. I have extended my attention out to a bigger macro picture of things. Instead of having gotten myself noodled down into such a small focus that I became a sicko myself.

I can’t find a local paper. I’m still looking for the local paper and I’ve come across the national paper. And it was scattered around amongst these people. It’s just depicting that I have to extend my perspective and influence in a focus and attention. It brings a greater responsibility 

When I first came onto the path of waking up inside myself I was told that you work on yourself, to begin with; you’ve got issues that have to be worked on, but eventually, there comes a point where your attention shifts to a bigger picture. But to begin with, you can’t, because you’re in such dire shape just in terms of your own complexes. You’re not meant to be twisted up in terms of your own complexes, because it’s not about you. But you have to go through and dive into the depths of yourself before you can take on what it’s really about, which is the whole, the overall. So it’s never about you, but to start off with you can’t get that memo because of the way things are striking you and occupying your frame of reference.

So then I had a sleep dream which tends to show how you’re inclined to be working with things. In this particular case, I would be shocked if you didn’t do the same thing. The sleep-dream was such that it shows you kicked back into a malaise. That just goes nowhere.

In Cindy’s dream, she’s in this huge ancient castle. So again, time is something kicked backward. And within this castle, is a small chapel, and she’s going to have a wedding. Is it going to be a big wedding or a little wedding? No, it’s going to be a little wedding, cause it’s a little bitty chapel, but at the same time, what’s the wedding going to be like? She’s carrying anger or frustration as the thing begins so it ends. She’s carrying that into the wedding instead of it being something that can be alive and quickened, it is something that’s dull and deadened. You know, a wedding is supposed to be a rejuvenating time of one’s life. And this is just duh de duh, just a thing that continues in its stupor, a case of amnesia.

In my sleep dream, I’m in a town that is as boring as boring could be, they roll up the sidewalks at 6:00 PM. Everybody is asleep and there’s a local store which is the center of town. There’s nothing at all vibrant or exciting about that. In fact, they are in a malaise of decay. Local vagrants that don’t have anything better to do just sit outside the store, leaning against the wall, their life is going nowhere. Then some other poor character comes up with a rolling cart that opens up and he can sell merchandise. He puts it on store property, opens it up, and sells out of that undermining the store. Well, the whole thing is just vibed out, the opposite of the meditation, where it started out haywire, caught in a malaise, and then got snapped out of it. So I flipped back to how it is in the outer where something has to be quickened, awakened, enlivened in order to break a malaise.

This all is a continuation of a longer theme that has to do with the shift which is upon us. We can’t make the shift in the same old fashion as it has been for the previous 2000 year era. We have been just kicking the can down the road and dealing with things in a collective consciousness, which will now have to be dealt with much more responsibly. Just like a person when they delve into the depths of themselves, they find themselves caught in a kind of collective consciousness and a stupor state. When they break out of the stupor state, then they come to recognize that they are actually a composite of the whole and that the aliveness is the whole. They have to start paying attention and working as Oneness as themselves and not as a “me myself and I” navigating about for one’s own edification.

The dream world was interesting, I might’ve been confused, but the fact that Cindy did something that copied what I did, as my dream; well, I don’t know what to make out of this. I’m having this breakthrough and all of a sudden I’m 180 degrees from it and gone back into a dopey state. The Meditation dream started with the dopey state, trying to be extended upon me. And the image was like owing money but not really, because when I dealt with it with a focus and attention, it turned out that I didn’t owe anything at all.

Then came a matter of whether to try to be a little bit diplomatic, because it was going to be a shock if all of a sudden you’re not part of the malaise of things and trying to fit. And so I went through in the meditation, this idea of do I pretend, and take a little bit on, just for purposes of mediating the situation a bit? And, the answer was no, because that sets something up wrong because of the local awareness of things. They’re even trying to hide that, to get away with what they’re doing, which means that all I would be doing would be accommodating it. If you’re going to bring the knife down, bring it all the way down. Don’t go halfway down and leave the guts hanging out to come back and haunt you.

So, the meditation dream had a succinctness about it, and then, the sleep dream shows me the other extreme in its full apathetic stupor.

Then you come in, and try to bring back the yesteryear of a once prosperous western mining town. It’s just like a state of decay into malaise from something that was wonderful from yesteryear. It was the opposite in my meditation dream. I went from something that was putrified, working to go back to something that was in a state of attention and focus and was something incredible. But the application of it in the environment around me is still strung out, stupored out, and bizarre,  It can’t seem to get its act together. You can’t keep expecting the environmental vibration to change of its own accord, it needs a state of attention, brought to try to enliven, quicken and refresh, to invigorate again. I see a different kind of approach by taking into account what’s going on.

I Am the Essence, Not the Storyline

“The overallness of the heart is in relationship with the essence behind all that is, which means that if you relate with the heart you relate with the essence because the essence and the heart work hand in hand. The heart is in the overallness and the essence permeates through. It IS the overallness; I shouldn’t even say permeating. It is the overallness.

–the dreamer

Well, last night in my meditation, I went to a place that when I came out of it, I couldn’t do a very good job describing it because everything was so pulled together there that essentially you just saw how it all intertwined. It was just all intertwined. And so the best I could do in terms of trying to try to describe something like that in terms of my meditation was that decisions that affect the individual also affect the whole. Well, yeah. Okay. I mean, we all kind of know that, but, in the way I saw it, if I could have said it the way I saw it, to me, it made complete sense. In other words, I could have carried the energy across, and then if an action is done to cut off the rights of the general public because I’m part of the general public, I am automatically affected, but again, yes, people kind of have a sense of that, but how so, you know? How do you do that?

How is that like that? Because the mind senses are in there and they all have us thinking that we function in some sort of capacity that has our own singularity. So anyway, this whole thing was the sequence of dealing with stuff that’s bifurcated, busted into all of these pieces from the essence.

The theme of course is, it’s the recognition that I am the essence. I’m not the storyline, I’m not all of these pieces, and that the storyline has to come back and reestablish itself in the essence. In other words, not just sit out there as a storyline, as if that’s what is real. Now, the problem that exists is I’m busted into all kinds of pieces so I’m wandering this way and I’m wandering that way. It’s one of the things that keep it difficult for me to carry on a conversation with somebody very long because I’m constantly wanting to switch subjects because the energetic flickerings are constantly bombarding me. I don’t, in that regard, ground very well.

Well, anyway, I have all kinds of sleep dreams that kind of portray how this is. So in my first dream, I find myself agreeing to provide money to resolve a situation. In other words, it’s a conundrum that goes around and around. But the influence from the meditation dream is that everything is me. So in doing so, I make a promise, so something can happen, but I’m hesitant to do so. And then when revisiting the situation sanity. The reason is that I’m doing everything. In other words, I’m not only making the promise but to enable it to happen I have to then have my credit card debt to pay for it. The whole schematic. I’m doing everything. If I didn’t, nothing would happen. Actually, nothing does happen. Because we are all the overallness. There aren’t these deviations. But in the dream to show how absurd one has gotten, as I’m pausing to evaluate what is taking place, I am reminded that because I’m president of the company and in a position to do such and so, that I must do this as a responsibility. Kind of a mantra of deceit that we do to ourselves.

Okay, well, I kinda know that there is something so much more, but I’m going along with it, but it doesn’t mean I have to also believe it. So I say, yadda, yadda, yadda, I’ve heard enough. In other words, I don’t need to keep being reminded of what isn’t real.

And the meaning of this is in time and space pressure is put on the heart to function in various set ways, to follow the norms of time and space. Deep down, I know it’s not real, nevertheless all around me, this is what I am compelled to experience The defiling of the heart leads to a kind of despair and Exhaustion, even. Frustration

Yet one bears the heat and burden of the day contending with this deviation. Because one’s trapped in the veil and to the degree that you get it, you can hardly stand the false pretenses that are all around. And, all of this is kind of pounded into your synapses as if real. And the time comes when you’ve had it because you know the difference.

In other words, the overallness of the heart is in relationship with the essence behind all that is, which means that if you relate with the heart you relate with the essence because the essence and the heart work hand in hand. The heart is in the overallness and the essence permeates through. It IS the overallness; I shouldn’t even say permeating. It is the overallness. And so then in my next dream, I work out a situation in a particular scenario, and in the very same time interval — because I’m busted up into various pieces — I’m presented with another situation on something that’s entirely different.

And the two situations require separate attention, and a different appreciation because there are different schematics. Well, you can have too much on your plate. You can be all over the place. So that’s what this is showing. I get a callback and find myself talking to the person actually about this other scenario as if the two are correlated. And this creates confusion.

Suddenly I realize things don’t sound right and I ask the person to refresh my mind and memory regarding what we were talking about, and a circumstance that exists there. And so what does the signify: That the heart sweeps through all that is with an invisible essence at its core. However, over the course of time, we have gotten deviated from the essence and into the abstractions of the whole. We have also gotten deviated in terms of the oneness behind the essence. That oneness keeps us in sync with the underlying overallness. So in this dream, I have gotten skewered. And as a result, am unable to intertwine connectively. So what is going on?

Because I so deviate from the whole I can’t sort anything out. When you get really deviated from the whole, you get into bewilderment. It’s more than amnesia. It’s a type of strange bewilderment. You’re beside yourself, you know, because you are trying to coast in the amnesia then, which is an irresponsible atmosphere that you take on: the heart doesn’t really appropriately agree, you know, but your mind senses will override it.

And when I mean heart, I mean the underlying quality that goes through all things, that knows all things, that is, for a lack of a better word, exists as an essence, even though we can’t put our finger on it. And then a deeper meaning for all of the dreams last night is, I’m bouncing about from this to that. And in doing so, because the mind-senses are involved, there are energetic levels. So you’re skewered all over the place, because of an ungroundedness that’s shattering into pieces that veils the essence and thus, the clarity, the naturalness.

In other words, you can’t function meaningfully when you’re like this. You’re just yo-yo-ing. And so you just function in accordance to energetic deviations, as if that’s what is real. In other words, the deviations from the essence that are just the current bifurcated storyline; to be estranged like this from the essence into a storyline invokes the mind senses for rationalization purposes. Because you are in time and space when the mind-senses come jumping right in. Outside of time and space, you are going to hold onto something that is the essence instead of the mind-senses. And what the mind can perceive from this collapsed state when the heart is being subjected to bewilderment is a low thing.