I Am the Essence, Not the Storyline

“The overallness of the heart is in relationship with the essence behind all that is, which means that if you relate with the heart you relate with the essence because the essence and the heart work hand in hand. The heart is in the overallness and the essence permeates through. It IS the overallness; I shouldn’t even say permeating. It is the overallness.

–the dreamer

Well, last night in my meditation, I went to a place that when I came out of it, I couldn’t do a very good job describing it because everything was so pulled together there that essentially you just saw how it all intertwined. It was just all intertwined. And so the best I could do in terms of trying to try to describe something like that in terms of my meditation was that decisions that affect the individual also affect the whole. Well, yeah. Okay. I mean, we all kind of know that, but, in the way I saw it, if I could have said it the way I saw it, to me, it made complete sense. In other words, I could have carried the energy across, and then if an action is done to cut off the rights of the general public because I’m part of the general public, I am automatically affected, but again, yes, people kind of have a sense of that, but how so, you know? How do you do that?

How is that like that? Because the mind senses are in there and they all have us thinking that we function in some sort of capacity that has our own singularity. So anyway, this whole thing was the sequence of dealing with stuff that’s bifurcated, busted into all of these pieces from the essence.

The theme of course is, it’s the recognition that I am the essence. I’m not the storyline, I’m not all of these pieces, and that the storyline has to come back and reestablish itself in the essence. In other words, not just sit out there as a storyline, as if that’s what is real. Now, the problem that exists is I’m busted into all kinds of pieces so I’m wandering this way and I’m wandering that way. It’s one of the things that keep it difficult for me to carry on a conversation with somebody very long because I’m constantly wanting to switch subjects because the energetic flickerings are constantly bombarding me. I don’t, in that regard, ground very well.

Well, anyway, I have all kinds of sleep dreams that kind of portray how this is. So in my first dream, I find myself agreeing to provide money to resolve a situation. In other words, it’s a conundrum that goes around and around. But the influence from the meditation dream is that everything is me. So in doing so, I make a promise, so something can happen, but I’m hesitant to do so. And then when revisiting the situation sanity. The reason is that I’m doing everything. In other words, I’m not only making the promise but to enable it to happen I have to then have my credit card debt to pay for it. The whole schematic. I’m doing everything. If I didn’t, nothing would happen. Actually, nothing does happen. Because we are all the overallness. There aren’t these deviations. But in the dream to show how absurd one has gotten, as I’m pausing to evaluate what is taking place, I am reminded that because I’m president of the company and in a position to do such and so, that I must do this as a responsibility. Kind of a mantra of deceit that we do to ourselves.

Okay, well, I kinda know that there is something so much more, but I’m going along with it, but it doesn’t mean I have to also believe it. So I say, yadda, yadda, yadda, I’ve heard enough. In other words, I don’t need to keep being reminded of what isn’t real.

And the meaning of this is in time and space pressure is put on the heart to function in various set ways, to follow the norms of time and space. Deep down, I know it’s not real, nevertheless all around me, this is what I am compelled to experience The defiling of the heart leads to a kind of despair and Exhaustion, even. Frustration

Yet one bears the heat and burden of the day contending with this deviation. Because one’s trapped in the veil and to the degree that you get it, you can hardly stand the false pretenses that are all around. And, all of this is kind of pounded into your synapses as if real. And the time comes when you’ve had it because you know the difference.

In other words, the overallness of the heart is in relationship with the essence behind all that is, which means that if you relate with the heart you relate with the essence because the essence and the heart work hand in hand. The heart is in the overallness and the essence permeates through. It IS the overallness; I shouldn’t even say permeating. It is the overallness. And so then in my next dream, I work out a situation in a particular scenario, and in the very same time interval — because I’m busted up into various pieces — I’m presented with another situation on something that’s entirely different.

And the two situations require separate attention, and a different appreciation because there are different schematics. Well, you can have too much on your plate. You can be all over the place. So that’s what this is showing. I get a callback and find myself talking to the person actually about this other scenario as if the two are correlated. And this creates confusion.

Suddenly I realize things don’t sound right and I ask the person to refresh my mind and memory regarding what we were talking about, and a circumstance that exists there. And so what does the signify: That the heart sweeps through all that is with an invisible essence at its core. However, over the course of time, we have gotten deviated from the essence and into the abstractions of the whole. We have also gotten deviated in terms of the oneness behind the essence. That oneness keeps us in sync with the underlying overallness. So in this dream, I have gotten skewered. And as a result, am unable to intertwine connectively. So what is going on?

Because I so deviate from the whole I can’t sort anything out. When you get really deviated from the whole, you get into bewilderment. It’s more than amnesia. It’s a type of strange bewilderment. You’re beside yourself, you know, because you are trying to coast in the amnesia then, which is an irresponsible atmosphere that you take on: the heart doesn’t really appropriately agree, you know, but your mind senses will override it.

And when I mean heart, I mean the underlying quality that goes through all things, that knows all things, that is, for a lack of a better word, exists as an essence, even though we can’t put our finger on it. And then a deeper meaning for all of the dreams last night is, I’m bouncing about from this to that. And in doing so, because the mind-senses are involved, there are energetic levels. So you’re skewered all over the place, because of an ungroundedness that’s shattering into pieces that veils the essence and thus, the clarity, the naturalness.

In other words, you can’t function meaningfully when you’re like this. You’re just yo-yo-ing. And so you just function in accordance to energetic deviations, as if that’s what is real. In other words, the deviations from the essence that are just the current bifurcated storyline; to be estranged like this from the essence into a storyline invokes the mind senses for rationalization purposes. Because you are in time and space when the mind-senses come jumping right in. Outside of time and space, you are going to hold onto something that is the essence instead of the mind-senses. And what the mind can perceive from this collapsed state when the heart is being subjected to bewilderment is a low thing.

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